super_astute | The Part Where He Kills You

"Yeah, about that, can't get into the storage without tripping the mechanism and risking a little accident that might, you know, melt a few bodies. But the catwalk to there was sort of exploded by our little dictator here," Handy gave Wheatley a small raise of his eyebrow before snatching Tyler out of his hands and tossing him up and down like a ball. Tyler would be good for footie. "You have been a very bad core, I hear. Well forgiveness and all that, though I would quieten down. Let's see if I have one of your bodies in freezing?"

As Handy took off to raid his special core equipment area, Chelldon sat on the table and swung his legs playfully.

He gestured to himself and gave Wheatley a small confused look. "Mad?"

He was trying to ask if Wheatley was mad but honestly he doubted the man would get that, he'd probably think it was something else. But watching him make his own conversations up was kind of sweet.

"Yes, actually, I think you might be," Wheatley said with a nod of the head. "I'm actually quite certain, but don't quote me on it, that you could very well be mad." He wasn't angry, he was more hurt and feeling was not something androids did so emotions like this, when protocols tripped them to activate, left him more confused and topsy turvy than anything else.

He watched Chelldon for a moment before slinking across the room to try and call up a dossier of what cores were left only to have the whole thing shortcurcuit on him.

If Chelldon asked or Handy came back looking concerned, he'd just tell them he wanted to do that.

For reasons. Reasons only androids could know!

So there.

Chelldon sighed, he wasn't insane, he was doing what he had too. GLaDOS was destroyed and who really cared about a few cores they never socialised with. There were other cores out there! Space, Adventure, probably some other emotions... maybe fact core survived, he was always annoying and a moron.

Chelldon imagined he and Wheatley got on brilliantly.

When Handy returned, he had the core under his arm and a Tyler body... one that had been through the wars earlier in the year and was missing an eye and a hand ... and the clothes were absent.

Well, he either wanted a body or he didn't. "Chelldon, tell Tyler this looks fine! And don't lose Wheatley, where is he?"

"'Ow can I look fine? I'm not up to protocol specs! I've only one hand and one eye and-- And what happened to you? You look awful! Where's the Chief?"

Tyler actually had a bit of corrupted memory about that. He remembered fighting GLaDOS and being strung up on the wires too. After that, and actually, a lot of before that was a bit of a blur.

Terrible stuff.

He looked a bit panicked. "Where's the Chief?!"

"Dunno," Chelldon offered and Handy shrugged too, slapping Tyler on the back before heading over to sit beside his favourite overly damaged test subject. Poor sod was obviously very confused and struggling morally. And so was Wheatley, judging by how things were.

"I think Adventure core sent me a message about that... when you took over, Hunt was in a room. And something-- dunno, it frizzled out and I stopped listening."

Chelldon sighed and nodded his head, that was the gist and he didn't care to say much more on the matter.

He was 100% sure if Hunt was even a live, he hadn't been moving.

"Then we have to go and get him!" Tyler was on shaky legs and grabbed a lab coat with his one good hand. "He'll be able to figure out how to get me a replacement hand. And maybe an eye."

When no one moved to help him, Tyler sort of stared at the humans.

"Well c'mon. The Chief might be hurt and he needs us!"

It didn't seem fair.

None of it really seemed fair.

And though Wheatley was a coward and an idiot, he just could not let this happen. Jumping up, he put both hands on his hips. "Right then! I'll need a portal gun and-- Err. Shoes. Not for me, obviously, have them, good shoes they are, but for Tyler. We're going to get the Chief."

"Well I'm afraid we only have on portal gun," Handy pointed out before going into the draw and having a rummage, pulling out a broken one with an offer of a smile. "Look, sorry, but this is a lab. Get it? Laaaaab. We do chemically stuff and medical stuff, we don't keep bits and pieces unless they're broken or spares."

The Tyler body was intended to be melted down and made into paste but that was strictly need to know.

Cores made a wonderful paste capable of keeping the doors ad walls patched if something broke loose somehow.

"I have shoes, that's all, Chelldon will have to take you. He not only has the only portal gun but let's face it, he's the most qualified one," Handy gestured at the test subject who had already assumed he was going and was all ready, like he'd let Wheatley go anywhere alone.

Chelldon. Wheatley looked over Tyler's shoulder at the human just...sitting there. He swallowed and frowned at him. Really. He needed his Test Subject. They needed to...

Talk. Or he needed to talk and Chelldon needed to jump. "We need a moment," Wheatley said. "Well, maybe ten. How long is a moment? It's not actually measurable. So let's say ten minutes. Chelldon and I. Be right back."

If the Chief wasn't dead already, he'd be fine for another ten minutes.

When Tyler and Handy cleared out, Wheatley flung his arm around the poor, brain damaged man.

"No more murder, Chelldon. All right?"

He would like to explain that the murder had been the only thing to stop GLaDOS from killing them and that those cores hadn't had a life and couldn't function without being plugged into GLaDOS anyway... and it had really hurt to kill them but he understood what he was doing and had to do it anyway.

But Chelldon already played with being stupid and damaged so he didn't ruin the illusion that Wheatley clearly loved and wanted. The core just wanted him to be a pet.

And Chelldon couldn't deny that he sort of loved being that because he'd never ever had a friend. Except Walter.

So instead of apologising or doing anything that could imply intelligence, he just wrapped his arms around Wheatley and jumped till the core was forced to jump with him.

"Oh--- A yes would-- Right then, jump away and-- My foot! I know I said that I had shoes but you didn't have to--" Right, all right, so now they were both jumping. Sighing, Wheatley waited until Chelldon was finished with his innane athletics and took a step back. "All right, all right, that's good enough, Chell-- Chelldon, let go, we need to save a human. Like you. For Tyler. The poor thing is absolutely beside himself."

He gently pulled himself away from Chelldon and cleared his throat.

"And then cake. And Walter. And glasses. Yes, actually, glasses would be fantastic. But not for Walter. That rabbit eats everything. Likely would eat me too and I've only one body. Not even a body with a missing hand."

Chelldon laughed and nodded, snagging the cores arm and dragging him along before he ranted too much and started to drive everyone a bit mad. As always Doctor Handy openly refused to come, he just happily sent them all on their way.

"I'm breakable and important, it's not wise. If Hunt's alive, I can help him... if Hunt's dead then we have organs!"

Always look on the bright side of life. Handy backed off and headed back towards his shower. Yes, he was a coward but GLaDOS would kill him if he woke up, he was in danger and a lot of this was accidentally his fault. The shower was a safe place to be for him!

Chelldon turned to the two cores and offered them a reassuring smile. Everything would be fine. He should of said that really but instead, he just said... well... "Cake!"

"Cake after we get the organs," Wheatley said, lightly patting the man before Tyler made a sort of frightened, choking sound. "Or the Chief. With his organs intact. And inside of him. And not for Handy to make an omelette with."

What what else did you do with organs? And how was Wheatley to know that you needed eggs for an omelette? Or milk. Organs? Not so much?

And besides, Hunt's organs would be asbolutely covered in fat and who would want to eat that?

Handy, likely. The man did like to eat. And blow himself up. Or stab himself. Or trip over a chair, as he'd just done.

The tell-tale thud and cries informed Chelldon that Handy had made it back to the lab okay but apparently probably shattered his elbow or something. What an insanely clumsy and useless man. Well, either way, they had to go save some organs--

Erm, Hunt. They had to go save Hunt.

"Alive," Chelldon offered as he patted Tyler on the back and lead the way by shooting a network of portals that slowly lead them up the catwalks one by one.

It was a long way up but somehow Wheatley seemed too busy rambling, like before, to even notice what he was saying. It was a little funny actually, Chelldon had to laugh as he shot another portal.

He was talking about getting new score cards that dropped everything below adequate out. Tyler argued with him, mentioning how really very stupid that was because scoring 'excellent' was only possible by knowing what it's opposite was. Wheatley could not disagree more and by the end, the three of them made it to the top of Hunt's testing chamber with little to no issue.

The issues came when they finally stopped to have a look at the space. The power was out. Walls were locked in place. They couldn't portal in because it wasn't like creating holes. They couldn't tunnel in because they had no tools.

There were no protocols. Nothing to break. So both droids could only look at Chelldon.

Chelldon hadn't noticed they'd stopped arguing until he saw the pairs of eyes looking at him. He sighed and held up his hand before he took off to the catwalk above them and-- oh! Just what he needed. A valve! And a quick turn confirmed what he assumed.

Moon rocks were fantastic, no doubt about that.

He redirected it through the portal and aimed for the door before... oh, whoops! It all sort of fell on top of the two droids below by accident, they were a bit too close to the door and it was inevitable, totally not his fault.

"Sorry!" he chirped as he leapt back through the portal.

"Sorry! And how is this meant to get us inside when the whole thing is sealed? Are we using Tyler as a surface for portals? Good idea, there's probably a protocol for that but let's face it, Chelldon, he'll never stay still and moving portals end very badly."

Wheatley had to abandon his glasses after that, if only so that he could see, and Tyler went off rattling about playing with Aperture Science equipment and how, as an employee of Aperture, Chelldon ought to be more careful.

"Maybe...if you shoot enough portals it'll burn a hole through the side of the wall panel?" No? Well, worth a shot.

Potentially.

"Or, or we could climb up very high and land very hard on one of the joints?"

Well Chelldon had a better idea. He grabbed a tone of rubble and broken turrets and began to bowl each thing through the portal at a swift speed. The flying boulder nearly hit Wheatley, the turret clocked Tylers shoulder as it slammed into the door and the iron pole from the catwalk shot through the small glass window in the door.

There we go! They had a way in. Yes, they couldn't exactly crawl through the hole but he could get his hand inside and unlock the door.

Or in theory, Tyler could do it better. He had a tiny hand.

Pointing at the hole, he made a hand gesture. "Open Tyler."

"Open Tyler? Didn't we just have this talk, Chelldon? No more people murders!" he insisted only to watch Tyler do the opening of the panels and he smirked, sighing. "Oooh. Right, you wanted him-- You know, just testing you. Can't be too safe and all that."

See? Smile. He's smiling, and smiling makes the whole world go round. Even a world consisting of Chelldon The Murderer. Reformed Murderer.

Oh, he could just plead insanity or something like that.

When Tyler got the panel over, regardless of injury to himself, he jumped into the test chamber and rushed along to the Chief, worried and on the verge of tears. He had no idea why any of this was-- But Specimen 739 had caused a problem for them all.

Wheatley imprinted on Chelldon.

Tyler on the Chief.

"Chief! Open your eyes, damn it!"

Chief was not a very forgiving man it seemed, especially judging by what he did next. Instead of waking up like a normal man and being all friendly and love... he instead sat upright and head butted Tyler very hard in the face. Course being as solid as he was, it probably hurt the chief more but it definitely knocked Tyler back.

Chelldon put his hand over his mouth and tried his hardest not to laugh because who didn't want to hit Tyler. He did.

It was hard not to after everything.

"Gonna kill you, you little prick," Hunt warned, looking pretty pissed off.

Tyler was shocked, hand over his already cracked and cyclopean face as he laid back on the floor panels. He swallowed, not moving.

"Chief--"

Wheatley decided to step in, glasses-less, covered in white paint made from the moon. "He doesn't remember that he tried to run us through protocol testing--"

Tyler sat bolt upright. "Excuse me, what--"

"And he doesn't remember that he tried to kill you through exercise--"

"What?!"

"He may have forgot but I didn't, I'm justified in kicking your arse," Gene informed Sam as he got to his feet and dusted off. Chelldon simply stuck his hands in his pockets and let Wheatley defend because... well, frankly he was on Hunts side here, Tyler had been a giant pain in the arse.

Yet no one seemed willing to point that out since it happened.

But then apparently Handy claimed this wasn't uncommon with cores. He looked at Hunt and offered a shrug. "Corruptions in cores."

He mimed GLaDOS then pretended to be shocked and Hunt... well, he just stared. Yes, he got what this idiot was saying but seriously?

"So he just went a bit nutso and forgot? Bollocks."

"I did not go nutso-- I don't recall anything after you strung me up on the wires!" Tyler said, feeling angrier and angrier...and so very, very helpless. His voice lowered so that the others couldn't really listen in. He didn't want anyone to know this but Gene, even if he himself currently looked ridiculous and maimed. "I would never hurt you, Chief. I don't know what happened, I don't, but let me express--"

Wheatley was getting bored of watching the broken droid and the red faced chief talking so he grabbed Chelldon's hand, the one not in the gun, and dragged him back to the portal.

"I think we're done playing by everyone's rules, Chelldon. Jump if you understand." Good. "Let's find Walter and get out of here."

While Tyler apologised and Chief ignored him, making snarky remarks, Chelldon followed. And of course he jumped, he wanted Walter. He was going to get Walter, tune up Wheatley a bit and hopefully they could make a break for freedom or a nicer room. Either way, he wanted to have a bit more fun.

Maybe he could get some crayons or something?

"Walter!" he declared happily as he shot a portal upwards and started the slow journey up the catwalks till they reached the hall that would hopefully lead to storage.

Wheatley might have to 'hack' the door though.

Yes! Walter! And good riddance to the other two. Actually, Wheatley found it all a bit troubling. See, Tyler was better than that, fawning on a human who did't really deserve it. Humans were good Test Subjects and good doctors, but to really care for one--

And Chelldon hardly counted. Chelldon was just a remarkably good Test Subject and therefore, Wheatley had to care for him and protect him as he was his source of 'Very Excellents' for the forseeable future! Never mind that they often, too often, embraced like Tyler was trying with the Chief.

Reckless!

Wheatley knew that Tyler was going to get thumped before he even heard the cry and disappeared out onto the catwalk with Chelldon.

To be fair, it was a punch and then a very manly hug from the chief but after that he got a very stern warning about hugging and making them look gay. Chelldon didn't know what they were doing frankly, he found even the idea of friendship a bit baffling sometimes. He just followed Wheatley along like a loyal subject because to him, that was the gist of what he thought friendship was.

He had never really had a friend, it was solely Wheatley and Walter for him, everyone else just sort of existed around him and nothing more.

Wheatley was special, he wanted to keep him close by because he really did have great affection for the useless moronic core that was his own. He was not smart, clever, useful or anything like that but he was a nice guy.

Chelldon wasn't used to nice. "Go left."

Left evidently meant 'straight ahead' because that's where Wheatley went, obvious as always because he was trying to explain how awful Tyler was and how hugging was totally unprofessional. "The Chief isn't even his Test Subject and look how they're carrying on? Indecent."

A portal set him in his place and another brought them right into the menagerie.

There was more than just Walter there.

There were all sorts of strange things. A flying octopus, a giant, 'half invisible' cat, fish that glowed in the dark--

"Huh. So this is what's back there!"

Of course Chelldon went straight to Walter, picking it up and ignoring the way it instantly started to nibble at his shirt. Tentatively, he stroked the things fluffy head and grinned childishly. He loved how warm they were and how much he could feel it's heart beating... Wheatley did neither.

He was always kind of cold and he had no real heart to speak of.

He imagined he was a lot less fun to cuddle when cold. Walter seemed otherwise.

"That?" Chelldon asked as he pointed to the octopus that seemed to be flying around, he had never seen one of those before, it was both amazing and terrifying. He couldn't help but find it amazing.

"No, one pet. That one might eat robot eyes and I only have two. Can you imagine what will happen if I have to fight Tyler for his last one? He'll cry, poor broken thing." Wheatley, of course, imagined that he'd come out on top. Wheatley always did. In his head.

When the octopus plastered itself against it's enclosure, Wheatley yelped and grabbed the human's collar to haul him and Walter out of the room.

He tried to play it off as being a hero. And it would have worked too if the klaxons hadn't started again and the catwalks were bathed in reddish yellow light.

Chelldon tumbled back but kept his dear rabbit friend safe. Even if he'd eaten a hole in his shirt. He looked at Wheatley and held out the bunny with a playful smile on his face, unable to help but tease the android by trying to make him play along and well, act so nonchalunt over the whole situation.

"Hold Walter?"

And with the bunny dumped into his friends hands, he soon took off across the catwalk, shooting a network of portals and judging it all swiftly before gesturing for Wheatley to follow. And God he hoped Wheatley followed and not pretended to follow but really went his own way. "Come!"

Hold Walter. All right. He can hold Walter if-- "OHGODTHATSMYONLYSHIRT! No! And not my chest! It's poison! Laced with rabbit poison! Walter!"

Never mind the yelling, the rabbit was really just fine once Whealtey held it away from his chest. They needed to get the bunny something other than android to chew on because Wheatley really didn't take to nibbling all that well. He half ran after Chelldon and his portals until he fell flat on his face -- rabbit held over head -- right in front of Handy.

Tyler and the Chief and Jack and Space had all made it back, but everyone looked so grim.

"I know, but Chelldon loves Walter. Couldn't leave it!" he cryptically explained.

Chelldon had landed just before Wheatley and was more than happy to pluck the rabbit from Wheatleys hands and sit with the little creature, happily stroking it as it nipped his trousers. Yep, the big overgrown test subject/child was going to just sit there and play with his pet, which kind of made Wheatleys point.

The chief just groaned because... well, really?

"You coddled your brain damaged freak, you know that? We used to toss ones like him into fires when we first started," It was cruel but they made surprisingly efficient fuel when melted-- long story that Hunt didn't want to get into.

Handy just cleared his throat. "Very very excellent, Wheatley."

Thank God for Handy because Wheatley was just about to have a fit. An absolutely, horrible fit. No one melted down his Test Subject other than him! Well, no not that he was going to, but Chelldon was his and no one else's!

No one's.

If anyone was going to melt him down, it would be him! So there!

But Handy's quick thinking on the score card calmed the core right down and he nodded happily. Of course it was very excellent. There was no other score for him.

"What's happening now?"

"Breaching protocols tripped," Tyler informed them.

"In English of binary mate?" Luckily, Tyler chose English.

"The labs are being over run with extra dimensional entities."

"I have no idea what you're saying," Hunt said and he didn't seem to want to know the rest. But no one else was asking question, Chelldon was too busy letting Walter eat a best tube... which was disturbing to watch and a little worrying.

And Handy was playing with a yoyo... and when it got tangled, he huffed in frustration and ignored everyone to undo it.

Chelldon was listening, he just didn't understand much either.

"Bad?" he asked, looking directly at Wheatley for confirmation that whatever was happening was indeed bad and hence he would have to keep Walter and Wheatley very safe.

"Oh, no, not bad. Good maybe?" Whealtey looked around for support with that assessment. "Good? We like this? No? No, bad, right then, wrong again, Chelldon, rather terrible, mate. But we'll be all right?" Again, the rest of the people gathered shook their heads. No? Damn it.

Wheatley put a hand on Chelldon's shoulder as if he was a baby or his child and made a little sighing sound.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, as gently as possible as if he was promising him a new bike for missing the big game. "But it's all right, we just need to not get killed! Let's go!"

"Why do you eve talk down to him when he's smarter than you?" Chief complained and Chelldon blinked slowly. While Wheatley looked away, Chelldon looked up with a death glare and put his fingers by his lips to indicate they should all just shut up and stop upsetting his core.

Shaking his head, he looked at Wheatley a smiled. Not a child nor brain damaged but very affection, that was all this was.

Handy just heaved a sigh.

"Do any of you have a plan because I don't, I'm biology and medicine."

"I always have a plan!" Wheatley smirked triumphantly. If there was a mark for 'always having a plan' Wheatley was sure that he'd score Very Excellent all the way around. He was so positive of that fact that he didn't even need to have a plan because one would pop into his head without even having to coax it.

This was the extent of his powers. No wonder everyone here looked up to him!

It had nothing to do with everyone else being seated either. He still felt important enough to puff out his chest.

Even if Tyler was there to take him down a notice. "Oh yeah? What is it?"

Wheatley tried not to panic. Put on the spot! "Okay, right, well, Chelldon has a portal gun. It makes PORTALS..." Good first start!

No one looked up to him, they all just looked at him. Usually in horror and disbelief over his sheer idiocy. But then that was that, that was just how things were and always would be and it was impressed to see that in times of crisis when everything went wrong, Wheatley was still a well meaning moron.

Chelldon always tried to watch with plenty of awe just to root him on, everyone else just assumed he was brain damaged and therefore he was probably too thick to know Wheatley was stupid.

"Portals!"

Chelldon knew that it was kinda right and at least he could work with it. They just had to get to the source of the problem. "Source?"

Handy looked up and sighed. "No, we have no sauce here, wait for dinner."

The Part Where He Kills You

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