Test Chamber 036: Training

[super_astute]

The puzzle wasn't hard, he told himself, and it certainly wasn't impossible.  No, in fact, he knew the solution but he just wasn't going to play without Chelldon.  He repeated that out loud, telling Tyler that his training course was very lack luster.  He did not need to be taught to jump.  Or to use the Apperture Science Portal Making Device.

In all actuality, Wheatley just couldn't figure out why the portals weren't working because he'd forgotten that he could actually switch colours to allow him to place two portals on the walls.

He just kept firing one over and over...  'To check how the gun was working.'  "Safety first, Tyler!" he said before Chelldon pretty much literally dropped down on him.  "AAAH!"

Comments

[super-astute.livejournal.com]

"A paradox! Oh, oh, that's clever!" Wheatley said, though he had no idea what a paradox was. "But where do we find one? We should look in the storage rooms."

He headed off in the opposite direction of the storage rooms in an attempt to be proactive and left GLaDOS and Chelldon to sort of blink at one another.

"And we should gift wrap it. Unless-- Unless it's much too big. In which case, a ribbon ought to do. Tied into a bow. Everyone likes bows. There's likely a bow protocol."

And thus went Wheatley's contribution.

[stubbornsubject.livejournal.com]

"You can't be serious," GLaDOS complained with a cock on his head. He stared for a long time before everything slowly proceeded in his head and suddenly he remember that Wheatley, being a stupid machine that he was, clearly couldn't be affected by a paradox because he wouldn't even understand it.

So, clearly, it made sense to him to use Wheatley.

"It's a sentence, idiot. If you say it then you can confuse any android or robot... say, you're incredibly intelligent, surely you can learn some and tell them to Tyler. Your superior brain won't be bothered by them," GLaDOS lied and Chelldon frowned slightly, he only knew one paradox and he wasn't sure how either of them could tell Wheatley with GLaDOS over heating.

But if they could get the blundering fool to do this then fantastic... And then maybe they could guy him a bow?

[super-astute.livejournal.com]

"Well I am wildly intelligent," Wheatley grinned, not quite fluffing his hair but certainly getting to the point where he could very well start. At least he was too stupid to be embarrassed about the paradox. He just assumed it was something that was in GLaDOS's memory banks and not widely known by most people. "It probably is only fair that I do the talking."

He adjusted his collar and his glasses. Honestly, the glasses alone gave him away for being smart. He was glad that GLaDOS finally realized that. It was making the other android look bad not to.

Humming to himself, he waited anxiously for the additional knowledge.

Wheatley, saving the day again?

He ought to get a statue erected in his honour.

[stubbornsubject.livejournal.com]

GLaDOS merely heaved a sigh, this thing was clearly and idiot and much like a child he would require humour. And, with Chelldon, he just required cake and something called a Walter... probably some sort of food or drink knowing how this place worked.

He had never known the names of anyone, he only knew these two because, you know, they killed him.

And in Wheatleys case, he'd tried way more than once.

"Go up to Tyler and say 'this sentence is false'," GLaDOS order before he swiftly jammed his fingers in his ears and instructed himself not to think about it. He only smoked a bit.

Which, sadly, was a good reaction.

[super-astute.livejournal.com]

"Woah, woah woah! You need to get to a repair station!" Wheatley said because even though Wheatley had and did want to kill GLaDOS for cake and a promotion, that didn't mean he wanted to see him just set himself on fire! What sort of fun would that be actually? "Quick, Chelldon! Water!"

He didn't seem phased at all by the paradox. It was difficult to tell if he even noticed at all what it was. Or remembered it to repeat it.

Oh well.

Good try any way, folks.

[stubbornsubject.livejournal.com]

"I'm fine, you moron!" GLaDOS brushed off and while the smoke had stopped, it was clear that he was still quite frazzled by the paradox. On the plus side it had nearly no effect on Wheatley so that meant his paradox plan had to work. How could it not work on Tyler?

He'd tried it on cores before, if they weren't total write offs like Wheatley or Space then they were usually blow-up-able.

Chelldon frowned and while he had no water, he simply waved his hands over GLaDOS to see the smoke away before patting GLaDOS head to make it clear to Wheatley that he had fixed the android and he was fine.

They had a plan, they had a moron, this could only end well.

[super-astute.livejournal.com]

Getting to Tyler was insanely easy. Protocol dictated that he stay in the command center and they all knew where that was. He was so distracted making Gene Hunt exercise himself to death that he didn't even notice them breaking in...after Wheatley decoded the lock on the door.

That was already open.

By smashing the window when the others weren't looking!

Wheatley, once again, saved the day. "After you, after you," he said, proud and puffed out. And a bit loud.

Tyler didn't notice. "Chief, you'll never burn that stone if you lay down like that! Your heart isn't going to explode that badly."

[stubbornsubject.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it probably was, Chelldon didn't think cores ever really understood human biology and judging by the way Hunt was lying... yeah, he probably wasn't actually conscious at all. He was just sort out lying there half dead. Chelldon turned to GLaDOS and made sure he was ready then gave Wheatley a soft nudge forward.

"Paradox!"

They really needed Tyler to stop before he did something very stupid to Chelldon or GLaDOS... Wheatley? Well, less so. He was very hard to punish.

He probably wouldn't even understand he was being punished, which was sad and funny at the same time.

[super-astute.livejournal.com]

"Oh! Right, that's all me!" the android said before he paused and scratched at the back of his neck and had the gaul to look downright confused about the whole affair.

Uh oh.

"Herm. What was it now? This...sentence...if...true. Absolutely true, believe every word of it," Wheatley said with a grin, waiting to be showered with praise, promotions and oh, why the hell not? A bit of take for his dear Chelldon!

But none of that came.

Tyler, however, turned his attention away from the screen of Hunt's testing chamber and focused on the trio.

"The paradox is: "This statement is false--" bbzzzt!" Tyler's core couldn't take it. He was already on the fritz!

[stubbornsubject.livejournal.com]

"Does a set of all sets contain itself?" Chelldon chimed in because, yes, he did read the signs around here and he remembered clearly the paradox sign. GLaDOS was just as shock this time around that Chelldon actually had a brain and could use it. Huh, turns out test subject clones were not total write offs after all.

"He should be fried enough, lets me just--" GLaDOS reached the controls and swiftly hacked into them, typing in an override and letting the computer detect the obvious corruption.

He would finally get his body back.

Chelldon shot two portals ready to get him to the arbiter button but paused, turning his head to Wheatley and smiling. Hey, he tried, he deserved the praise. "Very excellent!"

[super-astute.livejournal.com]

"Oh, remember that score!" Wheatley chimed in, really very happy at the moment. "We'll have Doctor Handy sign off on it the moment-- Oooh, looks a bit like that hurts, mate. You should be careful. Tyler's a pain in the arse but we all need rules." He raised his voice. "Sorry if you heard any of that! You're still fantastic!"

He gave the unconscious android in the wires a big thumbs up before turning back to Chelldon. He had no idea that there was more work to do.

Or that just as Tyler faded out completely, the containment field in the portal testing lab was breached. There was no one holding back the Eldritch Horror at that point. But no matter. Wheatley tried to see things as positively as he could.